I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
