are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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