some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
