I can feel you judging me through the phone.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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