p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
