oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
