I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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