Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize