you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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