Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize