i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
