Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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