You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
