Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Did I show you my penis last night?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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