that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
