i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
