Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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