On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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