God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize