lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
