sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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