Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
