remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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