ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
