im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
last night I used snow as a chaser
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
