..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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