She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
