sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
