But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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