apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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