Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
sex in a hospital.. check
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
