I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
