If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
