I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
