im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
