dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
honey bunches of taint.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
