You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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