he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
