Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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