Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
