Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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