if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
