Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
a search helicopter?!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
