i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
