I seem to have left my pride at pride
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
