glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
