At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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