I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Found your dick twin last night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize