You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
