meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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