Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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