So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sext me about skeletons
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
