Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
