Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
