she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
