she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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