I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have aggressive nipples.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize