my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
