That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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