He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
