and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
