and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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