You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
