Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
