Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize