Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
