Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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