Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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