Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize