Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
