I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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