Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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