I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
