Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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