hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
