I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
