Midget sex pt 2 tonight
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
People in love make me want to vomit
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
