she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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