There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
