Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
