my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
