Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize