You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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