Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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