K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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