Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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