Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You pole danced in your parka.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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