if i can run in heels then i can drive
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
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