M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
