No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
